Not quite Love letters from Jim and Seb
by beechee
Summary: Exactly what the title states. Featuring Deirdre Nightshade as Seb and myself as Jim. Rated for potentially squicky conversation.


**Dear Jim,**

**I… enjoy you. You have a nice mind, I suppose. Trying to be more delicate than just saying you have a nice ass, even though you do. You make me giddy. You should terrorize old women with me. Someday I will shoot you. You + me = dangerous… but sexy.**

**If I saw you now I'd - well, there are a couple options. I might bite you. I might just laugh. I want to bite you, though. At some point. I****would build a Wendy house just for you. Don't lie, you'd play in it. If I could sing you any song it would be I Will Survive. **

**We could walk the streets of London under the stars. **

**Love, **

**Sebastian **

**P.S. I'm going to fuck you until you cry.**

Dear Seb;

Flattery will get you everywhere. I'm quite fond of my ass, thanks. Giddy is so normal, let's go find some children to skin.

Someday, I may even let you try.

If I saw you now, I'd be most put out because you're on a job and work before pleasure, darling. Do a good job and some point may just end up being today.

Why just walk the streets when we could burn them?

Love,

Jim

P.S.: Promises, promises

**Dear Jim,**

**I'm quite aware, how do you think I've gotten as far as I have? I'm rather fond of it as well, so you're quite welcome. Skinning children, though, I don't know. Their skin is still so soft, adults make sturdier shoes. Unless you're thinking a nice pair of kid gloves.**

**Who said I needed you to let me? True, I am on a job, but there are always moments where you need to sit back and let things develop. You wouldn't want me to rush in cold, would you?**

**Well then, my love, let's burn this city down.**

**Yours,**

**Seb**

**PS: You might not sign your letters with love, it's rather unbecoming. You love making me believe you love me. And I love the way you lie.**

Dear Seb;

Certainly not on your intelligence, dear. My gloves are getting a touch worn, how ever did you know?

Who said you could do anything if I didn't let you? It could always be more interesting if you go in cold. I'm bored, after all.

Patience is key. Why burn just one city when in a few years we could burn the world?

_Love,_

Jim.

PS: A) Don't tell me what to do, dear. You know how much I hate being told what to do. B) If you love the way I lie, I don't see the problem here.

**Dear Jim,**

**Cold as ever, my dulcet darling…**

**I do pay attention. I don't miss nearly as much as you think I do. And there are **_**plenty**_** of things I can do without needing you to let me, and that is precisely why you don't know about them. **

**You could do with a little patience as well, my dear.**

**Yours,**

**Seb.**

**PS: Blindly, obediently yours, Seb. **

Dear Seb,

You expected any different? Oh, how adorable.

If you ever hide anything of importance from me, I will flay you. I will flay you alive, myself.

Patience is for peons, darling.

Love,

Jim.

PS: it's the only way I'll have you, Sebby. And if I can't have you, no one can.

**Dear Jim,**

**Oh, flaying, how marvelous. We haven't tried that yet.**

**Yours,**

**Seb.**

**PS: I remember it differently… but I digress. You know you can have me. All of me. But don't think for one /second/ there aren't things I've kept on my terms, whether you think they're dashed or not. Love you darling! xx**

Dear Seb,

Well, I've always wanted my own tiger-skin rug.

Love, Jim.

PS: How sad it must be not to be able to rely on your own memories… but I digress as well.

Oh, but your secrets keep you entertaining, darling. Besides, even the best pets need some leash. No you don't! xx

**Dear Jim,**

**You're right. I don't.**

**Yours, **

**Seb. **

Dear Seb,

Glad we're keeping things straight.

How long does it take to kill a man? I'm _bored_.

Love,

Jim.

**Dear Jim,**

**If you shoot a man in the stomach it will take approximately fifteen minutes for his stomach acid to seep up through his chest cavity and begin to corrode his heart.**

**Yours,**

**Seb. **

Dear Seb.

Funny.

Maybe I'll shoot you in the stomach.

Love,

Jim.

**Dear Jim,**

**I rather thought so. You're getting kinkier by the day, darling.**

**And you know you'd patch me up eventually. You'd get so **_**bored**_** without someone around to torment.**

**Yours,**

**Seb **

Dear Seb;

There are miles of untapped potential. Maybe you'll even get to stick around and see it.

What makes you think I wouldn't just replace you, dear?

Love,

Jim.

**Dear Jim,**

**If your bite is anywhere near and sharp as your bark, I would very much like to. **

**Because, my love, as much as you adore telling me I'm 'normal' and 'boring', I'm just interesting enough for you to miss me. Death threats are shows of affection from you. "Goodnight, Sebastian, sleep well, most likely kill you in the morning."**

**Yours,**

**Seb **

Dear Seb;

You of all people should know exactly how hard my bite can get.

Ah, but careful you don't get complacent. Complacency is boring, love.

Yours,

Jim.

PS: I hope you weren't too attached to any of your ties. I needed them.

**Dear Jim,**

**Mm, that I do.**

**And not to fret, you're still **_**more**_** than enough to keep me on my toes. Well, you know that. Just feeding your ego.**

**Yours,**

**Seb**

**PS: Dare I ask what for? I hope you didn't need **_**all**_** of them, I did rather like the white imitation brocade. No matter, I can always buy more. I notice you've stopped signing your letters with 'love'. Either you're being suspiciously nice, or you've become too bored to care. Of course, you'll never tell me which.**

Dear Seb;

Please, dearest. I'm enough to keep _anyone_ on their toes. Feeding my ego, are you? And here I thought you were actually being sincere for once. Shame.

Yours [maybe],

Jim

PS: I needed a new calling card, obviously. I've already transferred a sufficient sum to your chequeing account, do replace them before you come home.

Ahh, sharp, aren't we? xx

**Dear Jim,******

**When am I ever sincere?******

**Yours [most likely],****  
><strong>**Sebastian****  
><strong> 

**PS: …so you used my ties. Call me an idiot [you will anyway], but I don't see the connection. ****  
><strong>**Sharp as ever, sweetie.****  
><strong>

Dear Seb;

I was hoping you'd be a dear and do something _surprising_ for once.

Love, Jim.

PS: You weren't here. I was bored. I used your ties. Do try to keep up, would you darling?

Though, you are getting sharper. Give it a few decades and you may even be smart enough to be seen with in public.

******Dear Jim,******

**Well, I suppose I should be sorry for letting you down. ******

**It's been ages since I surprised you, I should do it again sometime. It was such **_**fun**_**.******

**Yours, ****  
><strong>**Seb******

**PS: Back to honey and acid, are we? Literally, honey and acid could be amusing. Just how amusing depends on whether it's hydrochloric or lysergic.****  
><strong>

Dear Seb;

If you aren't sorry now, you will be later.

Yes, you should, I'm BORED.

Love, Jim.

PS: Why not a bit of both? It'd make things more interesting.

**Dear Jim,******

**Ah yes, your favorite threat. If I'm not the sorriest piece of ass in London tomorrow morning, I will be the sorest. ******

**I **_**know**_** you're bored, love. I know.******

**Yours, Seb******

**PS: How novel. I look forward to it.****  
><strong>

Dear Seb;

The t word? I thought we'd been _over_ this, Sebby darling. I don't threaten. I promise.

Then why aren't you DOING something about it?

Etcetera, Jim.

PS: You'll have to pick some up on your way home. Our guest got the last of both.

**Dear Jim,******

**I know, darling, but the last time you promised that I was neither sorry nor sore.******

**You lay me plenty, and I'll be doing something about it shortly.******

**Ad nauseam,****  
><strong>**Sebastian******

**PS: Better this way anyway, the last time you got them the hydrochloric was 10 instead of 18mol, and the lysergic was laced. Do understand if I don't trust you to buy anymore, dear.**

Dear Seb;

Gotta keep some uncertainty going, where's the fun otherwise?

Oh, don't worry about it! I'm not bored anymore, darling. Entertaining myself.

Cheerfully, Jim

(PS: Ach, what's life without a little chaos? I'm still alive, there's not too much damage done. Don't be bitter, Seb darling. It doesn't suit you.)

**Jim - ******

**I'll be home in ten minutes. **


End file.
